Here we are, almost one week into Lent, and this is the first actual reading post I have done for St. Teresa of Avila! Reading sacred books or books on faith and spirituality is always a challenge with children around. No sooner do I pick up my book to begin reading than someone has a question or the little one needs me. This makes my reading come in small pieces. Which is okay, as it gives me time to reflect on what I have read.
Speaking of children . . .
I am starting with St. Teresa's "The Book of Her Life", which is to St. Teresa what "Story of a Soul" is to St. Therese. St. Teresa begins with her childhood and a few observations on parenting children.
"I sometimes reflect on the great damage parents do by not striving that their children might always see virtuous deeds of every kind." (Ch. 2, 1)
Do my children see virtuous deeds of every kind? Do I expose them to stories of great men and women, inspiring children as often as I can? Do they see their father and I doing good deeds? Scripture tells us to do our good in secret, to not boast of our prayer or good works, so we sometimes go to far and pray or practice kindness in such hiddeness that we forget our children learn through example.
If, because my spiritual reading is interrupted by my children so often, I only do my spiritual reading in private, then they never see me engage in this activity. They do not know that I even do it. They do not see me struggle with it, fight for it, learn to blend it into the busy life I lead by virtue of being a mother.
We must talk with our children about good works - giving to the poor, serving in charity, small kindnesses like praise for a great cashier at the grocery store, or appreciation for our elders. But they must also see us actively involved in these things, as well.
Lent is a great time to get more involved in good works and prayer - in the individual sense and as a family.
Deacon Vic at St. Gabriel's, our home parish, spoke on this in an excellent manner this past Sunday.
Deacon Vic pointed out that the three things we focus on Lent, fasting, charity and prayer, are not three separate things, but all three go together. Must go together, hand-in-hand. Fasting helps reveal to us our relationship with our self, and what we need to prune to get in right relationship with God. Prayer reveals to us our relationship with God. Charity reveals to us our relationships with others, especially the most poor among us. How much are we willing to give? What are we willing to do?
Prayer without charity or fasting is not complete. Fasting without charity and prayer is not complete. And so on.
This is such a challenging message, especially for those of us caught up (as I am) in the busy day-to-day existence of a family with children. Some days it is all I have to get a prayer time in.
Charity? Don't have time for it! Fasting? Ugh! Prayer - well, I will fling an Our Father to the heavens as I load up the minivan for a trek to dance practice, through traffic with some of the meanest drivers I have experienced.
Sadly, this is too often my day, my thoughts.
St. Teresa advises that I strive to let my children see virtuous deeds - many and plentiful.To strive means to exert one's self vigorously. To work hard.
Looks like the challenges St. Teresa will throw my way start right at the beginning of her book!
Looks like my thoughts ran away with me. I will wait until tomorrow to post about her other thought about parenting that has been haunting me since last week.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Twas the Night Before Lent
Less than 24 hours until Ash Wednesday. I am stuffing my face with gummy bears, in preparation for giving up sweets for Lent. This one is truly a hard one for me (giving up sweets, that is. Not eating gummy bears. That is, sadly, very easy for me). Such a sweet tooth. God will know I love Him!
I am also prepping for immersing myself in a Teresa yet again. This year is Teresa of Avila, my favorite saint since college. I have always loved her spirit, her verve, her zest, her grand theology.
Last year, I concentrated on the Little Flower - Therese of Lisieux. She has, as I have explained before, never been among my favorite saints. I just do not "identify" with her. Yet, last year, I felt called to her. I thought it would be just for the duration of Lent.
However, as I reflected on 2012 at the close of the year, I was startled to realize the Therese thread ran strongly throughout my entire year.
Love. Small things. Hiddeness.
The over-arching ideas of Therese were the themes of my whole year. I thought Therese would be my companion throughout Lent 2012. I did not even realize she was with me the rest of the year.
I literally sat, stunned, in my car, the day I realized this. (In my driveway, mind you. God allowed this realization to hit me after I finished driving.)
So, this year, I look forward to journeying with Theresa of Avila. I do not know if God has any larger plan for my lessons with Teresa this year, as occurred with Therese last year. It may just be an interesting and pleasant study throughout Lent. However it goes, it ought to be interesting!
Happy Mardi Gras!
I am also prepping for immersing myself in a Teresa yet again. This year is Teresa of Avila, my favorite saint since college. I have always loved her spirit, her verve, her zest, her grand theology.
Last year, I concentrated on the Little Flower - Therese of Lisieux. She has, as I have explained before, never been among my favorite saints. I just do not "identify" with her. Yet, last year, I felt called to her. I thought it would be just for the duration of Lent.
However, as I reflected on 2012 at the close of the year, I was startled to realize the Therese thread ran strongly throughout my entire year.
Love. Small things. Hiddeness.
The over-arching ideas of Therese were the themes of my whole year. I thought Therese would be my companion throughout Lent 2012. I did not even realize she was with me the rest of the year.
I literally sat, stunned, in my car, the day I realized this. (In my driveway, mind you. God allowed this realization to hit me after I finished driving.)
So, this year, I look forward to journeying with Theresa of Avila. I do not know if God has any larger plan for my lessons with Teresa this year, as occurred with Therese last year. It may just be an interesting and pleasant study throughout Lent. However it goes, it ought to be interesting!
Happy Mardi Gras!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
The S Words
They are dirty words. Words no one wants to hear much. The "S" words.
Suffering.
Surrender.
Anathema to the world.
The Gospel reading this past Sunday was from John 12:20-33:
"Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains just a grain of wheat;
but if it dies, it produces much fruit."
The disciples did not completely get this "dying" thing. The word "dying" brings up sad and/or horrible images. No one wants to think about death.
But Jesus was speaking of a different type of death here - death of one's own desires.
No one likes the idea of dying to self. It is completely against what the world whispers is right and good for us. Get what you deserve! Take care of #1, because no one else will! You deserve the best! Where does deprivation get you anyway, except a grumpy attitude and a feeling of martyrish satisfaction.
It matters.
If our goal is truly to do God's will, to follow Him, to be a disciple, then this act of love cannot be ignored. And it IS an act of love, or it should be.
God does not want us kicking and screaming our way to this death of self. It must be freely given. The word free is a positive word, connoting good things. But free in this sense is a much greater word - a painful word.
That is why we do not like to think about dying to self. We KNOW it is something that must be freely given, and this freedom costs everything.
"The question of the Cross is - what will you do when suffering enters your life? Will you freely surrender, or will you cling tightly to whatever it is that has a hold on you - power, greed, fame, etc.."
"Will you fall to the ground and be bitter?
Or will you die to yourself, your desires, whatever it is you cling to, and fall, and be broken open in a great act of love?"
"What is God asking me to surrender?"
Sacrifice.
Surrender.
Live.
(Thanks to Fr. Don Zeiler, pastor of St. Gabriel's in McKinney, TX, for his excellent homily this past Sunday. It certainly echoed all I have been reading from the Teresas, and resounded firmly in my heart!)
Suffering.
Surrender.
Anathema to the world.
The Gospel reading this past Sunday was from John 12:20-33:
"Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains just a grain of wheat;
but if it dies, it produces much fruit."
The disciples did not completely get this "dying" thing. The word "dying" brings up sad and/or horrible images. No one wants to think about death.
But Jesus was speaking of a different type of death here - death of one's own desires.
No one likes the idea of dying to self. It is completely against what the world whispers is right and good for us. Get what you deserve! Take care of #1, because no one else will! You deserve the best! Where does deprivation get you anyway, except a grumpy attitude and a feeling of martyrish satisfaction.
It matters.
If our goal is truly to do God's will, to follow Him, to be a disciple, then this act of love cannot be ignored. And it IS an act of love, or it should be.
God does not want us kicking and screaming our way to this death of self. It must be freely given. The word free is a positive word, connoting good things. But free in this sense is a much greater word - a painful word.
That is why we do not like to think about dying to self. We KNOW it is something that must be freely given, and this freedom costs everything.
"The question of the Cross is - what will you do when suffering enters your life? Will you freely surrender, or will you cling tightly to whatever it is that has a hold on you - power, greed, fame, etc.."
"Will you fall to the ground and be bitter?
Or will you die to yourself, your desires, whatever it is you cling to, and fall, and be broken open in a great act of love?"
"What is God asking me to surrender?"
Sacrifice.
Surrender.
Live.
(Thanks to Fr. Don Zeiler, pastor of St. Gabriel's in McKinney, TX, for his excellent homily this past Sunday. It certainly echoed all I have been reading from the Teresas, and resounded firmly in my heart!)
Saturday, March 24, 2012
The Voice of God
Not posting much recently. It come from a combination of not enough time and too many of the same thoughts running around and around my head.
"The good God has given you His work. He wants you to do His work in His way. Failure or success means nothing to Him, as long as you do His work according to His plan and His will."
Mother Teresa - Love: A Fruit Always in Season, 3rd week of Lent, Friday
Knowing that success is not the point is rather comforting. However, the bigger question is, how do I know what is the work of God for me?
I am a mother and I homeschool my children. Both these jobs take the majority of my time and energy. Many people in the world would tell me that I chose to have children and I chose to homeschool them. God did not make me do either of these things. So, these are not necessarily the work of God for me, since I created the work myself.
But the world overlooks this - discernment. Listening to the voice of God. I felt...let's say called... to have children. I felt called to homeschool them (in a long and twisted way. It was never my plan or intent really, but the road ran that way and I followed. Eventually, I DID choose it, but it took a while. But that is another story.).
In order to know the work God has for me, I must listen for the voice of God in my life. That comes only when you are open to hearing it. What does it take to be open? It takes prayer, humility, times of quiet (no matter how brief), and the willingness to do what is asked. How does one hear the voice of God? It can come in many ways - the advice of friends; that small, still voice in the center of one's being; weighing pros and cons, or even something as mundane as a magazine advertisement (which is how I ended up getting a Master's degree in Theology - again, another story for another day).
I find it very challenging to know what God is calling me to. Sometimes I DO create the work in my life - too many times when I do not say no and get over-committed, too many times I do not do things properly and end up with a bigger mess, too many times when I do not take the time to stop and listen and find out what it is I am really supposed to be doing.
That is the time to return to quiet discernment. Taking the time to really try to understand what it is I am supposed to be doing here....now....
These last weeks of Lent, I commit to listening to the voice of God in my life, and being ready to follow, even if it does not lead to success.
Amen!
"The good God has given you His work. He wants you to do His work in His way. Failure or success means nothing to Him, as long as you do His work according to His plan and His will."
Mother Teresa - Love: A Fruit Always in Season, 3rd week of Lent, Friday
Knowing that success is not the point is rather comforting. However, the bigger question is, how do I know what is the work of God for me?
I am a mother and I homeschool my children. Both these jobs take the majority of my time and energy. Many people in the world would tell me that I chose to have children and I chose to homeschool them. God did not make me do either of these things. So, these are not necessarily the work of God for me, since I created the work myself.
But the world overlooks this - discernment. Listening to the voice of God. I felt...let's say called... to have children. I felt called to homeschool them (in a long and twisted way. It was never my plan or intent really, but the road ran that way and I followed. Eventually, I DID choose it, but it took a while. But that is another story.).
In order to know the work God has for me, I must listen for the voice of God in my life. That comes only when you are open to hearing it. What does it take to be open? It takes prayer, humility, times of quiet (no matter how brief), and the willingness to do what is asked. How does one hear the voice of God? It can come in many ways - the advice of friends; that small, still voice in the center of one's being; weighing pros and cons, or even something as mundane as a magazine advertisement (which is how I ended up getting a Master's degree in Theology - again, another story for another day).
I find it very challenging to know what God is calling me to. Sometimes I DO create the work in my life - too many times when I do not say no and get over-committed, too many times I do not do things properly and end up with a bigger mess, too many times when I do not take the time to stop and listen and find out what it is I am really supposed to be doing.
That is the time to return to quiet discernment. Taking the time to really try to understand what it is I am supposed to be doing here....now....
These last weeks of Lent, I commit to listening to the voice of God in my life, and being ready to follow, even if it does not lead to success.
Amen!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Slump
I am in a Lenten Slump.
I decided to do two things for Lent:
And it shows.
Reading the Teresas is really making me focus on God's will. On surrendering to the moment, on letting God lead me by step, by not worrying (as much) about all I have no accomplished with my life.
I need to get re-committed and back on track. I will let this lapse teach me how much I AM learning through this.
Ironically, last week my Mother Teresa readings were all about having moments of silence in life, in order to regroup and to hear God. And I did not have one..single...quiet...moment - not one, all week long.
Onwards and upwards!
I decided to do two things for Lent:
- Give up excessive television - still doing that just fine. Actually enjoying it. Actually have not had much time to miss it.
- Read through Story of a Soul, read the Teresas, and blog - failing at that.
And it shows.
Reading the Teresas is really making me focus on God's will. On surrendering to the moment, on letting God lead me by step, by not worrying (as much) about all I have no accomplished with my life.
I need to get re-committed and back on track. I will let this lapse teach me how much I AM learning through this.
Ironically, last week my Mother Teresa readings were all about having moments of silence in life, in order to regroup and to hear God. And I did not have one..single...quiet...moment - not one, all week long.
Onwards and upwards!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Use Me, God
I continue on, reading through Story of a Soul.
But it is slow going.
I DID read it once, all the way through, in college. Which was a very long time ago, now.
I was telling a friend I was re-reading it, and how slow and hard I found it, and she promised me that if I just get past the first part, which was more autobiographical and less spiritual, it will get better! So, Michelle, with your words of encouragement, I forge ahead!
Often, I need a few days to absorb what I have been reading. Maybe I am just slow!
I keep going to back to a few things: the words of Mother Teresa, which I quoted in a longer quote here:
But it is slow going.
I DID read it once, all the way through, in college. Which was a very long time ago, now.
I was telling a friend I was re-reading it, and how slow and hard I found it, and she promised me that if I just get past the first part, which was more autobiographical and less spiritual, it will get better! So, Michelle, with your words of encouragement, I forge ahead!
Often, I need a few days to absorb what I have been reading. Maybe I am just slow!
I keep going to back to a few things: the words of Mother Teresa, which I quoted in a longer quote here:
I ask him to make a saint of me,
yet I must leave to him the choice of saintliness itself
and still more the means which lead to it."
How many times do we, as Christians, moved by a particularly strong experience of God, church, or love, utter the words, "Use me, Lord"? Sometimes the feeling can be so strong, that our spiritual desires overcome everything else, and we throw ourselves into the arms of God, longing that we might do something for Him.
But we often never think it all the way through.
Mother Teresa, in the above words, warns us of this, when she cautions us that we cannot both ask God to make us holy and dictate how He will do it. If we truly want to be holy, then we must allow each trial, each stumbling block, each pain, each joy to come to us as He wills.
"Not my will, but thine, O Lord, be done." Luke 22:42
Even should He desire to remove His presence from our lives, we must allow it. Not that He would truly be gone, but He might allow the feeling of relationship to go. Mother Teresa experienced this, this dark night of the soul, when one feels alone and lost, feeling abandoned by the One Person who promised to never leave us. It is like walking in the pitch black, having to take it on faith alone (which can be a rather flimsy thing) that the road one cannot see is truly before you, and you are not in actuality stepping off a cliff to fall 10,000 feet to one's death.
To say, "Your will, O Lord" is a frightening thing.
So is, "Use me, Lord".
The great Christian singer, Rich Mullins, once said this,
"God can use anybody. God used Nebuchadnezzar. God used Judas Iscariot. Its not a big deal to be used by God and the shocking thing in the book of Mark, and the reason why it is so shocking is because Mark is the briefest of all the gospels but he has these terrific little details, and one of the little details is that it says, "...and Jesus called to him those he wanted." And you realize that out of the twelve disciples that He wanted, only one was essential to His goal in coming to earth. The other eleven people were useless to Christ. And I kind of go, I would much rather have God want me than God use me."
Sometimes the whole "Christian" thing is just so beyond me, and I just go, "whatever"! Use me, want me, love me, lead me - just help me to do or be whatever it is You are wanting me to do or be. Then you have to just go and do it, and hope for the best!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Sacred Ache
The Sacred Ache - that place within us that that is never quite fulfilled.
I heard this term while driving in the car to spend the day with my Aunt Kathy yesterday. When I turned the car on, the radio came alive to a talk show. Turns out my radio was set to a local Christian station, and the show on was "Focus on the Family". Sheila Walsh, Christian singer and speaker, was talking.
I am not often big on listening to talk while in the car. I like music to speed me along. But Sheila's beautiful speaking voice with its musical lilt filled the air in my car, and I found myself listening intently.
She spoke of times of depression and doubt. Of those times when you give it your all, and it - whatever "it" is you are doing or striving for - still seems to come up short. No matter how others praise us, we know that it is not perfect.
That we missed those two notes in that psalm. That we hung that picture just a little off-center. That, while the living room looks great, the bedroom upstairs is a disaster.
That no matter how hard we work, it never quite reaches "perfect".
"There will never be that "perfect" book, that "perfect" album, that "perfect" anything....", Walsh said. There will always be that small thing that is "wrong", that is "imperfect".
Instead of letting that imperfection discourage us, make us feel less-than-worthy, we have to recognize it for what it is: The Sacred Ache - the reminder that nothing is perfect apart from God. That this world is not our final home. That everything remains a little less than "just right", until we are united with our Heavenly Father in our Heavenly Home.
The Sacred Ache serves its purpose to draw us closer to the One who is Perfect, who is Perfection itself.
St. Augustine said it best when he said, "You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You."
Blessed Mother Teresa told her congregation, "We do not allow ourselves to be disheartened by any failure as long as we have done our best, neither do we glory in our success but refer all to God in deep thankfulness." (Total Surrender, "Our Response")
In news of St. Terese - I finished reading Chapter 2, Les Buissonnets, about Therese's early life. Her family surrounded her with a great deal of love. Even when her mother died, her sisters poured maternal love on the little girl.
Reading about Therese's magical early years reminds me how important the first years are to a child's formation. Especially a child's religious formation.
Happy 1st day of March to you all!
I heard this term while driving in the car to spend the day with my Aunt Kathy yesterday. When I turned the car on, the radio came alive to a talk show. Turns out my radio was set to a local Christian station, and the show on was "Focus on the Family". Sheila Walsh, Christian singer and speaker, was talking.
I am not often big on listening to talk while in the car. I like music to speed me along. But Sheila's beautiful speaking voice with its musical lilt filled the air in my car, and I found myself listening intently.
She spoke of times of depression and doubt. Of those times when you give it your all, and it - whatever "it" is you are doing or striving for - still seems to come up short. No matter how others praise us, we know that it is not perfect.
That we missed those two notes in that psalm. That we hung that picture just a little off-center. That, while the living room looks great, the bedroom upstairs is a disaster.
That no matter how hard we work, it never quite reaches "perfect".
"There will never be that "perfect" book, that "perfect" album, that "perfect" anything....", Walsh said. There will always be that small thing that is "wrong", that is "imperfect".
Instead of letting that imperfection discourage us, make us feel less-than-worthy, we have to recognize it for what it is: The Sacred Ache - the reminder that nothing is perfect apart from God. That this world is not our final home. That everything remains a little less than "just right", until we are united with our Heavenly Father in our Heavenly Home.
The Sacred Ache serves its purpose to draw us closer to the One who is Perfect, who is Perfection itself.
St. Augustine said it best when he said, "You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You."
Blessed Mother Teresa told her congregation, "We do not allow ourselves to be disheartened by any failure as long as we have done our best, neither do we glory in our success but refer all to God in deep thankfulness." (Total Surrender, "Our Response")
In news of St. Terese - I finished reading Chapter 2, Les Buissonnets, about Therese's early life. Her family surrounded her with a great deal of love. Even when her mother died, her sisters poured maternal love on the little girl.
Reading about Therese's magical early years reminds me how important the first years are to a child's formation. Especially a child's religious formation.
Happy 1st day of March to you all!
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